Valentine's Day - a day where hearts flutter with excitement, some that are melancholy and others that are content yet it is pleasing to appreciate that some of us have been there, some of us have done that and some of us are still on our way, and there is no need to stress out!
The word 'relationships' ring different tunes to people's ears, however, to define a faith-centred relationship requires a variety of features in which each one of us must be aware of before heading into one.
Faith, of course! To be faithful towards God and to one another will help couples realise that to let everything be done according to God's will, would provide an assurance as to how the relationship will flourish. For the couple to be hopeful of what is ahead and to realise that challenges will come and go but the bond between them will remain is crucial as the trials that arrive should strengthen their connection with each other rather than detach them. To realise that love and not lust is what's being felt is key as this shows that one another is valued as a whole and not just the physical aspects that attracted one another in the first place.
Despite all this, people certainly have unique and interesting views about relationships, whether you just started a week ago, been going for a year or been married for some time, there are disparities in each phase of the relationship in one's lifetime.
However, this piece is not meant to discourage you, yet I created this to let you know that, it will be fine. For some people, relationships scare them, as they don't want to get hurt in the process and as harsh as it is, us humans do get hurt when relationships come to an end, even the ones we stan in shows and movies; this is a reality we all have to face.
Questions I often get asked include how do I know I am ready? How come everybody else is in a relationship and I'm not? Why maintaining one's faith and keeping God in the mix of a relationship vital?
Take time to work out who you are.
Taking your time means that we should feel complete and happy being ourselves, being alone although not lonely. This involves prayer and discernment but this does not simply happen overnight as in God's time, He will provide whoever it is that He thinks will fit you. However, this person may not be someone you expected or it could be someone you only knew recently.
Taking your time equates to more opportunities to learn about yourself, as treasuring each moment and lesson along the way will allow you to offer who you are to someone yet this does not mean you are selfish and you have to understand that there is nothing wrong with being selfish for a bit as this is for your own happiness. If you don't feel comfortable about heading into a relationship yet, don't stress! We all have our own timing and just because everybody else around you is in a relationship, it does not mean you are obligated to be in one. We should not force things out of our control to fit into our lives.
Whatever your ideal relationship is, be realistic.
We all must have shared our thoughts about the ideal man/woman to be in a relationship with, but is it the person that affects this belief or is it the idea of love itself? People often confuse themselves by being in love with the idea of how love should be rather than the person they are with.
One time, I was out with a couple of mates for brunch and decided to play the game Would You Rather and a question that struck me was, "would you rather date someone you love or someone who loves you?" To deeply reflect on this, whatever our desires are for a relationship we want to set foot in, we need to realise that not everything that we observe is part of God's plan - it could be that we are in denial and deep down we know this person clearly is not a good fit yet we keep insisting, or it could be that someone wants to head into a relationship just because everyone else is. To keep this in mind at all times will give clarity of mind as to how a relationship should have its founding roots.
Marriage is valued as the final imperative step in the relationship.
Yes this may sound like a no brainer as each relationship we get involved in must end up in marriage... or does it? Asking people around on what they think is the final step to a relationship has provided me with a bag full of mixed answers yet one common factor determines as to whether or not a relationship would reach that final stage - commitment. A relationship is a two-way street whether we like it or not, which means both people involved must put their efforts in but this does not mean we have to beg for the other person to cooperate. The efforts have to flow in and you shouldn't feel as if you have to please the other person, as you have to be yourself and not pretend to be someone else, the same goes for your partner - you shouldn't force any changes just so that it will be convenient for you; it has to be convenient for the both of you.
I'm a firm believer that if marriage is not the final goal of the relationship, it is due to brew a heartbreak one way or another, and it all comes back to the sense of commitment between one another. Some would say that marriage "is just for the legality of the relationship"; while this may sound true to some, this may not always be the case for the rest.
Marriage in the Catholic setting is not just any event where people can dress up and have the best time of their lives - it is a Sacrament which must be held dear and is an integral part of a progressing relationship which has God as the centre of it all. To find someone with the same aspirations and belief about marriage is vital as this provides transparency between each other.
To sum it all up, the modern secular world has provided the idea of love which made people corrupted of the fact that they cling onto their own desires and has blinded them of the person whom they are with. The reason why each one of us longs for someone to love is that we want to give them the opportunity to experience our own love, yet in a way that we do not completely love ourselves for who we are and we are finding that special someone to complete us. Marriage is like the period at the end of a sentence, it allows a chapter before it to close which makes it definite yet it has room for a new one. And finally, we should all understand that when we do what we can, God does what we cannot.
Happy Valentine's Day everyone.
Much love,
DS
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