Hello there! I hope that you are doing well; welcome back to those who have seen my previous blog on Relationships and if you haven't please go check it out! To those who are new to the blog - a massive welcome to you (and here, let's do a trust pound!). I would like to let you know that this piece would be the first of the three in a series of blogs called '3 AM Thoughts'. I hope you'll enjoy this piece!
One of my favorite songs of all time coming from rapper Kendrick Lamar, titled "LOVE." really puts an emphasis on how love should be. I don't want to make this piece as a song analysis but rather to explain its share in a relationship. In my previous blog, I talked about how relationships should have certain elements such as faith, hope and love; this time around we would delve into a specific one: faith. To remain faithful means trusting in God and trusting in other people such as your family, friends and your significant other. Trust issues really do arise as people begin to fracture words of affirmation and to make promises bound to be broken, which then creates a cynical vibe with everyone around you.
This then leads to finger-pointing as to who's at fault and this could be anyone from your family to your workmate - the burden of lashing out such emotions to someone is selfish yet we all do it. I have personally been asked in the past if I have trust issues and I said yes of course; only after this I realized that there are some people that who do not - and it is a pity to see the consequences that proceeds.
"I'd rather you trust me than to love me." This is a line that stuck with me since the first time I've heard of Kendrick's "LOVE." This line made me realize that trust has been considered to be greater than love at this point - as this means that we need to be willing to trust our lives to another person in a sense - secrets, history, passions, fears and everything else in between; you trust a person to keep them, to remember them and to guide you along the way.
Personally, the word 'trust' have other supporting expressions rather than it being a single entity - loyalty, life and reality. Let's have a look at each one of these.
Loyalty can be associated with commitment which refers to truthfully being in a relationship with a significant other without looking for someone else. A culprit in harming someone's loyalty is comparison - comparing your significant other, your relationship, what the 'ideal' and the 'norms' are and an endless list of what you can compare. If such commotion occurs, make sure to talk it out as soon as possible as prolonging it would cause insecurities in the relationship - but talk it out in a way that your significant other would understand and would consider wholeheartedly. There is no use in blaming and pointing out every single flaw in the relationship as this would brew a heartbreak in the long run.
Throughout my life, I've always been a firm believer in giving your all when it comes to things such as work, study, Church and much more, but when it comes to relationships, is it the wisest of choices? Some people believe that you should leave some for yourself as at the end of the day, you will be left alone; while there are others who believe that it is better to leave it all out on the table so there would be no regrets later in life. Whatever your niche is, I respect that wholeheartedly and I believe it is important for people to have different approaches to this, as we all know - our lives are unique. By keeping this in mind, it allows each of us to see 'trust' in a new light in our daily lives and to appreciate its importance especially when it comes to relationships.
Anyone must have of course watched romantic movies and hoped in some way or another that such story would be like theirs - but like in my previous blog, whatever your ideal relationship is, you must be realistic. By not getting caught up in the mix of all the expectations present in the relationship - whether this may be in the 'getting-to-know' phase or progressing on to later stages, it is vital to be realistic as this balances what one wants to happen and what is happening in the relationship. I remember asking a couple as to what trust means to them and they had this to say:
"We do trust each other in many areas but especially we trust each other that neither of us are gonna cheat, and we believe we steered away from the reality that nothing is guaranteed in this world. Of course if one of us decides to cheat, it is a choice made and that no excuses should be considered. If people keep lowering their standards just to satisfy that longing for someone, then it's better to not head into a relationship yet or just don't head into one at all."
We can consider this as a reality check.
I promised not to make this piece a song analysis on Kendrick Lamar's "LOVE.", and I believe I have kept that promise. Eventually, we do need to realize that trust must be earned and not to just be simply given - this means that each and everyone of us should not be swayed of such affirmations that it may only seem as patterns, however we must be looking for habits. Once we appreciate this, we are on track to be trusted by someone whom we care about and in return, to trust them back wholeheartedly. Trusting one another may seem enough, but it isn't. We need to trust God too.
God has provided us with the freedom to choose whom we want to spend our time with and just because you fancy someone doesn't mean you then proceed to give them your trust - remember that they have to earn it! By doing so, we then allow God to enter into our lives and in trusting Him, we let Him know of our fears, regrets, setbacks, cares - and by doing so we then realize that God has placed all the best things in life on the other side of fear.
To end this piece, I hope that you are having a great day despite the difficulties of the spreading COVID-19. I pray that all of you as well your families and loved ones are safe, and to think that this will come to pass and there will be better days ahead.
The next part of the series of blogs would be about regrets. I hope that you watch out for it when it comes out and please share this piece to friends and loved ones if you found this helpful!
Much love,
Dredd
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